she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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