No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
