I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
