Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
