Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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