don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
