we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
