Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
