My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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