Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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