this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize