i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
