I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's never too late to be topless.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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