Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
