i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
