Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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