Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
