dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
