he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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