where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
