the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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