i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
