watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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