my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
