PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
