I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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