it wasn't lemon gatorade
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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