i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
