Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
only if we run a train.
done.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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