he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
