what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
