Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
