A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
