Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
