Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
