Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
