he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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