Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
