Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
