I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
