While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
