Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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