I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
