she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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