My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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