Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
