Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
