i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
birth control should be required to get into college
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
