sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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