also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
