I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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