I wish I could punch you in the face.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
