I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
