Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wannas sexs uuuuu
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
