apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
