It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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