Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
