You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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