And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
