Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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