I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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