I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
