We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
