Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
