What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
