Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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