actually, I'm a sock model
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
