Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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