she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize