Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
be right there i have to get my cape
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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