to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
