Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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