So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
