oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's always time for handjobs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
